Day N' Nite
by TheLilyoftheValley
Summary: On a lost planet at the far edges of the galaxy, a robot sits and wonders what's going to happen next.


_(It's been a while, Nef. I haven't given you too much love since I've been surfing through other fandoms. _

_Since your b-day is today, I figured I'd send a little love your way.)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank or any of its characters. This isn't a shipfic, but a song inspo will be included. Happy birthday, Nef. **

Day N' Nite

Light refracted in the starry night sky, and when the time was right, the sky exploded in color.

Rich greens laced through the stars as deep blues and purples hung from the three moons scattered across the sky. Stars swallowed the blackness, pinpricks of light whirling through the atmosphere in a free-spirited pattern. A comet cut through the curtain of greens, blues, and purples, the white tail snaking behind the rock as it fell through the expanse above.

Along the ground, high on a hill where a lone tree stood, lay a tall robot.

Red optics stared up at the sky, taking in the serenity of the grasslands. The shepard's staff rested next to him, and as minutes ticked by, the robot shifted his long brown robes to better cover his body. Below the side of the hill in front of him, sheep _murr_-ed and _baah_-ed in their pen, cozying up for the night, creating a soft ambience for his thoughts.

As much as the greens and yellows reminded him of creatures he didn't know if he could think about, he didn't have the emotional energy to move.

Stars twinkled down at him. Their lights winked and twirled, dancing in the vast playground the atmosphere had to offer. Every now and again, a white streak would dart across the sky. An invitation to play; a prompt to spend time with the people around him; a map to the wonderful things the universe had to offer.

The robot blinked slowly, curling up his knees to his chest as he pushed his back more against the oak wood.

He didn't know if he was ready to accept that invitation.

"Sir? The Perdu dinner celebration is near completion. They were wondering if you wanted to attend."

Silence settled over the little space.

Lawrence shuffled forward, adjusting his own brown robes to better allow for his movement. He rounded the tree, stepping next to the scientist on the ground. Blue optics looked down to the red optics still trained on the sky.

"Sir?"

"I know." His words were hollow and nothing like the old him, but he hadn't been the loud and angry self he had been known to be since Magnus. Claws absentmindedly rubbed at the robes, taking up time and avoiding a reason to answer.

Lawrence waited for an answer, arms patient and calm in front of him. A mimicked sigh came from the butler as he turned his head, looking to the sky. "It's quite a lovely night out, wouldn't you say, sir? A perfect night to spend time with the Perdu family at their cookout for the start of the planting season…"

The scientist stayed quiet.

Loud cheers and sounds grew close to the tree, and as the scientist threw a scared glance behind him, children's voices called out to the two robots.

"HEY, LAWRENCE! Is Doc gunna come to the party?"

Claws hugged his knees to his chest just a little tighter, and he hunched over as terror ran through his circuits.

Lawrence turned his body to face the children scampering up the hill to the tree, shuffling a little closer to them. "Take your time thinking, sir. If they try to pester you, I will intervene."

The scientist unconsciously mimicked a swallow as his optics trained to the rich, grassy ground. Then his eyes drifted up, the white coats of the sheep catching his attention. His optics focused on the blank fluff.

Did he want to go to the planting season celebration? Going meant social interaction, something he knew he needed, and that meant getting just a little bit of happiness to his night. But that was a double-edged sword; if he went and there was something that wore out his already depleted patience, there was no telling how much the social interaction would wear him down.

He had already scared the adults thoroughly during the time the children had used him as a jungle gym and he didn't speak a word for that next twelve hours. Bari Perdu had already talked to him about having such a defeated and haunted look on his face, looking so lifeless as he did chores it scared people into thinking his conscious wasn't active and his body was on an autopilot.

But if he stayed…

He'd be alone.

The stars could keep him company, but there were words at his mouthpiece that ached to be said. Even polite talk would help ease the urge to speak, and the Perdus, for all their faults, were generally good people to talk to. It wasn't philosophical or technological talk, but learning about agriculture and horticulture calmed him in a way he hadn't thought it would.

Laughs were possible, as much as they were quiet laughs that never reached the volume his old laughs did. He couldn't eat, which was a large problem when it came to connecting with the creatures around him, but a possible break from being alone…

His thoughts, and the terrifying fact that his mind wasn't as fast or as calculating as it used to be, weren't things he wanted to be around.

But this was all banking on the social interaction going without a hitch. There was always bound to be one, so should he stay back and away from the party to not drive his sadness deeper?

A nervous hum came from the robot as he lifted a hand to his large head. Little clanks sounded as he shook, the gears under the green glass whirring with anxious energy.

Footsteps sounded close to him, and the scientist paused in his thinking, leaning further into himself.

Lawrence's voice carried as the butler shuffled away. "Artzain, Aoire, shouldn't you be helping your mother and father set the table?"

"Yeah, but they want to know if Doc is gunna stop sulking on his hill." Artzain's annoyed voice carried to his audio receptors. "They wanna know if they gotta put out a seat for him, or if he just gunna skip like he sometimes do."

Aoire's voice quickly followed. "Ma gotta know if she gunna put out a seat or just save the chair."

As much as they were young children, the two younglings still getting used to the language they were being taught to speak, the bluntness of the words made him clutch his knees tighter to his chest.

He felt Lawrence's optics settle on him, the same worry and concern that had been in the butler's optics for the past year, before drifting away. "It is quite rude to say that, little ones, especially if the creature you are referring to is close-by. I believe your parents will need to teach you further lessons in manners."

Loud groans came from behind the tree. "Aw, come on, Lawrence. He never wanna come sometimes, and we dunno if he ever wants to come to the parties! All he do is sulk on the hill and stick with the sheeps, then come out at weird times!"

"That is no excuse. Come, we shall let your parents know of your behaviors."

There were sounds of scuffling, and as the scientist mimicked a sigh and made to get up, he stretched out his legs. He looked around the tree, shy and hesitant.

Two children, both a fourth of Lawrence's size, wriggled from under the butler's underarms. Four eyes immediately locked onto him, and suddenly they were out of Lawrence's arms and closing in on the tree.

The scientist whipped back around, hiding from view.

"Hey, Doc? You gunna come to the party?"

Decisions ran through his mind, the gears in his head whirring faster with each passing second. His chest rose and fell at a lightning-fast pace, and a distressed noise fell from his mouth as he cupped his head in his hands.

A frustrated huff came from the child on the other side of the tree as the moments ticked on. "It not that hard a question…"

A knot rose in his chest, and guilt ran through his wires as he began to curl his legs back up to his chest.

"Artzain, we are leaving to speak with your parents. _Now_."

The slight emphasis on the last word previewed what was coming, and Artzain's shout of surprise echoed throughout the air. Another huff and groan came from the young child as footsteps began to lead away from the tree.

As much as he hadn't wanted to catch it, his sharply tuned audio receptors picked up a grumble from Artzain.

"Was he _ever_ happy?"

The question hung in the air as Lawrence led the children away. Silence settled over the space as the scientist slowly looked back up to the sky, running a stressed hand along the side of his head.

Greens and blues painted a happy picture for him to focus on, but the question kept spinning around his thoughts.

Was he? There were times he took pleasure in doing things, like creating a new functioning invention after long hours of work or commanding respect into the people that once mocked him or disregarded him because of how he looked. Little things picked up his spirit, and he could remember how getting something done gave him a feeling of accomplishment.

But… none of them really felt as genuine as the times he was with others that didn't hate him or respect him out of fear.

The Perdus treated him, for the most part, as an equal, even he did things that scared them or made them wonder about the past he and Lawrence had. Discussions on agriculture and the environment around him made his brain feel like it was working again, and any jokes and teases said brought a lightness to his chest that he hadn't felt in decades.

And then, Magnus.

Defeat filled his limbs, and he stretched out. His back curved to the sturdy trunk, and his legs flopped out at awkward angles. Red optics rose back up to meet the sky, the slight yellow, blue, and green colors standing out amid the darkness.

Could he go back?

If he fueled up the pod he and Lawrence had come in, could he go back to them?

Would they let him?

Memories circled his head, and claws sank into the ground as eyelids squeezed shut.

All his life, he had fought to find that happiness through all the wrong ways. Creatures he hurt flitted through his mind, and the guilt in his chest weighed him down. He had spent so long trying to draw out their respect for him through fear and terror, so much energy spent on terrorizing others that ultimately strengthened their hatred of him.

And then Magnus happened. When he hadn't threatened them, they gave him friendship. They were together against a common enemy, and when he wasn't trying to get them to respect him through fear, they freely gave him respect once he proved that he was capable of being somewhat nice.

They actually trusted him in the hours they had spent on Magnus, as shaky as the alliance was.

But if he went back, he didn't know if his crimes would allow him to ask for that chance at happiness.

He had royally screwed up, and now that realization was setting in. How was he going to fix what he had done, even slightly, to try and make up for the past he had with them? If he went to them, he was willing to do what they wanted to fix their relationship and be better, at least, in the ways he knew how to be.

But if he went to them, and they said no…

Oil bubbled behind his optics, and his head tilted back to not have the heavy liquid spill out of his eyes. The internal war in his chest tore at his insides, choking at the air he couldn't breathe and weighing down the squishy heart he didn't have anymore.

Sheep shuffled below the hill, noises coming as some switched their sleeping positions. The colors in the sky waved and glowed, the illumination brighter now that the night was darker. Everything in the atmosphere was a grand illustration, a masterpiece to the eye.

As the scientist continued to study the stars, his left hand gently grabbed the staff by his side. He forced down the conflicting thoughts as best he could, but the damage was already done.

He was stuck, and the cosmos only knew what would happen if he tried to make sense of the mess.

* * *

_Song Inspo: "Hot Girl Bummer" by blackbear. No, it is not a song for general audiences. The overall defeated energy in the song resonated with me since November, and I'm glad there's a story I can make from it. Said song that inspired the title is "Day N' Nite" by Kid Cudi, another song not meant for general audiences, but an older one that I've always associated with Nefarious. _

_Another little note, Nef's name isn't said because he's just called "Doctor" on this planet. _

_Nonetheless, another oneshot to help me work out feelings and connect to characters in the RaC universe. It isn't the cheeriest thing for Nef on his birthday, but I'm in a hurt/comfort mood, and after almost ten years since A4O, I think I have the right to write some "a few years after A4O" for Nef. _

_Hope you all enjoyed, and thank you all for reading! _

_XD_


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